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st people have heard of "cutting" from the sudden increase of awareness programs on the news and stuff like that. But it really is not considered an artform. People who cut are basically "issue-ridden wackos expressing a cry for help." right? Personally I didn't understand scarification, but I wasn't disgusted by it or anything. People simply enjoy different things. My experience was pretty spontaneous. I'd been going through a tough time, dealing with the aftermath of being raped. So I suppose this stereotype applies to me. I was proabably pretty issue-ridden but I do not consider this a cry for help in any way. It was kind of like I had gone completely numb and I was walking around like a zombie (that would be my depression i guess) I was very angry constantly, and I didn't have much of an outlet either. So one random day, after a big fight with my mother, I ran up to my room and smashed a glass bottle against the wall in my anger. And suddenly I stood there just staring, when the idea popped into my head. I wanted to make a reminder to myself, what I was about and what I stood for. A reminder to myself who I was, because I think I had forgotten that in the past few months. So I searched for and grabbed a particularly sharp piece of glass from the remains on the floor(not the sterilest conditions, I know), and scanned myself quickly, looking for where I wanted to cut. My left inner forearm seemed the most convenient and also the easiest since i'm a righty, so I settled for my arm. I wasn't to sure about what I wanted to do at first so I started by pressing the edge of the glass into my arm. I made three short vertical lines. I am pretty thin so the skin is very delicate and I was apprehensive but at the same time reckless about cutting too deep. It didn't hurt, I really didn't feel anything yet. Then I knew what I wanted. So I started carving the letters into my arm. At this point it was starting; the stinging. But it was really in a good way, like the pain after scratching a mosquito bite really hard. A kind of relief. I stopped for little bit and looked at what I had so far. A few lines of the letters were too light and i went over them about two or three more times to get them the same depth as the rest. I finshed pretty quickly and I just looked at the fruits of my handiwork. Written in blood in my arm was R-U-N-H-A-R-D framed by three lines across the top, bottom and sides. (i am a runner so it has many meanings for me). I hid the glass just in case I felt like adding to my artwork. Then I stood up and blotted it with a guaze pad. I knew it couldn't be too clean so I looked for some hydrogen peroxide. Finding none, I washed it off with antibactrial soap and patted it dry. Then I swabbed it with rubbing alcohol. That stung quite a bit, but I did it a few more times for safety's sake. I wrapped my arm with more gauze and went to sleep. I don't really remember much about the healing, but when it was starting to scab I slowly picked the scabs off so it would scar better. I hid it from everyone though. I was kind of ashamed or embarassed I guess. And the last thing I needed was someone locking me up because of my decorative efforts. At first I was kind of embarrassed about my scar, but now it is what it was meant to be. A reminder of me to myself. It looks nice, a shade of purpley/brown that's just enough darker than my skin, and clear. I think I'll be adding another one sometime soon. I just have to get a good design going first so I know what I'm doing beforehand. I don't plan on using glass either, it's not very sterile. I think I'll use my exacto. I suppose people who enjoy scarification can be called many different things, but that from people who don't really understand everyone's personal reasons for it. Way back when, I didn't get it either, but now I do. It's very satisfying and beautiful. Body mod.s in general tend to leave you with such great feelings about yourself. It's a very positive and helpful thing in my life, and for that I am grateful. =0) ~ok see now my experience is twenty fouur words too short.~ i don't know if anyone will have any questions or anything but i also have a tongue piercing, nipple piercing and a tattoo on my right ankle...so if you want to ask about any of that feel free to e-mail me. =0)

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 29 June 2000
in Scarification

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