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Self-Cutting Experience

As an artist, I have always been interested in anything concerning art. I enjoy not only drawing what I see, but, more importantly, creating things....looking to my imagination to guide me in what I do, in all aspects of my life. But, for many years, I have been searching for new ways to express myself through my art in new, different, and unusual ways....and that's when I discovered the wonderful world of Body Modification.

Last year, a friend of mine introduced me to a new world through body modification....she was 18, and had already had her ears pierced in several places as well as her tongue which proudly sported a shiny new 14 gauge stainless steel barbell....I loved it immediately! I really liked how it looked, but knew right away that a pierced tongue was not the way to go for me...!

It was later that month that I learned that she had, now and again, cut herself. Immediately I was interested.

Now....obviously, by my reaction to her pierced tongue, I was not, at that time, used to such things, and was, I must admit, slightly freaked by the idea of someone cutting themselves, let alone consider doing it myself! But I got over that all too quickly!

One night, she decided to show me how she did it....she had decided upon carving the initials "C.O.S." into her inner arm, which stood for the Church of Satan, just for kicks. It really seemed simple enough....she took a sterilized single-edged razor, and made the cuts by placing it upon her skin edge-down, pressing down on it, and then drawing it up once more. It bled quite a bit, which didn't bother me, which was obvious since I actually licked the blood from her arm, but I still couldn't see myself doing this....and I didn't-not that night, anyway!

Awhile after that, she had given me a new razor so that I could just experiment on my own, to try and get more comfortable with it. I started off with barely touching the blade to my arm, and drawing it across my flesh slowly....I've since learned that that's the hardest way to do it, but I didn't know then! Now I know that really fast touches are best....after awhile, I found how easy it really was, and that it didn't really hurt at all, to my surprise...!

After that first night, I found it extremely easy to cut myself, and finally decided to actually carve some kind of design into my left arm....I eventually decided upon a flower design.

The process was easy enough.....I simply took a new razor, and made the cuts, slowly and deliberatly, making sure to cut a bit deeper than before. When I was done, I was, of course, pleased that I had been able to go through with it, and even more pleased with the results.

Since then, I have done two other cuttings....an inverted cross on my chest, which has scarred nicely, and, best of all, a large Egyptian eye which now adorns the outside of the same arm.....this one is my pride and joy!

Whenever I show people my scars, I get several different reactions: some people look at me like I'm a freak, others ask me how I did it with sincere interest, and still others, the rather stupid ones, ask me why I didn't just get a tattoo.

Why don't I just get a tattoo instead of cutting myself? Two reasons: First off, I do it for art's sake....I see it as another way to be able to express myself through my art, and through a more interesting process....I love the satisfaction I get from doing it myself, not paying someone else to draw something permanently into my skin.....the second thing is that I just really like how the scars look....there's no ink involved, just healing tissue, and I adore the results.

Overall, my interest in body modification has been greatly increasing since my discovery through not only my friend, but, even more so, BME....since I've begun to look through the numerous pages, I have decided to go ahead and get an industrial done as soon as possible, but who knows when that will be!

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submitted by: Anonymous
on: 15 March 1998
in Scarification

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