Setting myself free....
I consider life a journey of discovery. I cannot, and will not define myself in any one way. I have no label. I feel that every day that I live, I change. Each experience adds something new and different to my life. I cannot be who I was yesterday. I think that is impossible. Some say I have no sense of self. But I do, my sense of self is that I am ever-changing. I accept it and I love it.
Body modification to me is something new. Something I only recently allowed myself to enjoy. I say allow because the past 3 or so years of my life has been about freeing myself from my own restraints. I finally reached a point of acceptance of who I am, and I allow myself to live as I want.
When I was 15 a friend of mine showed me how to give myself a tattoo. Doing the old needle/thread/ink thing, was not the best idea I ever had. I think I did it more just because I could. I ended up with a pathetic looking heart on my ankle, a messed up cross on my hand, and a stupid star thing on my wrist. Even worse, my best friend decided she wanted tattoos as well, so I ended up giving her a matching star and a cross on her back. (We don't talk anymore, I wonder if she had them covered). I wouldn't care if I had actually drawn something that looked decent, but my skills were pretty lame.
After that, most of my body modifications thoughts were something I kept inside. I never felt I could share them, let alone do them. But that all changed when I became friends with someone who knew a tattoo artist.
People that knew me 5 years ago would not recognize me anymore. I use to be a typical girl next door in most ways. I went to college, got engaged, and worked my way up the corporate ladder.
I believe I got my first real tattoo probably around 23. I decided I wanted to cover the star up. I got this flower thing put on my wrist. Looking at it now, it is not my style at all. But I don't regret it, as it is a part of my life and a memory.
Shortly after that, I went back and got a dragon on my right forearm and a butterfly on my hand to cover the cross. I remember the reaction of my fiance, he didn't speak to me for a week. He hated tattoos.
My first non-ear piercing came in April of 2003 when I was 26. I was in Montreal and just decided to get my tongue pierced. Needless to say, my work wasn't happy. My position was relatively high in that company, and my body modifications were not approved of, but dealt with.
December of 2003 I was out of a job. The reasons are sketchy. For awhile I was depressed. I had worked hard to get where I was, and it was all gone. I dumped my fiance. Moved to a new town. I began what I call my change.
I no longer felt the need to conform to anyone else's standards but my own.
The past 3 years have been amazing. Really, my body modifications are minor, but they are a start. The more I get done, the more I want. The more I read or see things, the more ideas I get.
In 2004 I had a labret piercing, 2005 nothing, 2006 on my 29th birthday I did an eyebrow and nose piercing. Last summer I put a tribal dragon on my left arm and the word SIN on the back of my neck. This year for my 30th I got another dragon tattoo on my left arm. I have decided that arm will be sleeved.
I am lucky that I no longer feel I have to hide myself, my desires, and that I can be who I want to be. Some people never reach that point. I find body modification beautiful and I feel more beautiful each time I add something new.
What do I have in store? I don't know. I just know that I finally feel like me. I don't know how easy it will be to get a job now, but I don't care. I am happier. I'm already looking forward to next month so I can add to my newest tat, get something pierced, or both.
It is like my mind is racing with all I can do and have done. I want to find the perfect artist to help me. Someone who will work with me over the next however many years to get where I want. Same goes for a body piercer.
I am so excited about what the future holds. I look forward to documenting my changes along the way and looking back and remembering each and every modification experience I had.
submitted by: Anonymous
on: 22 Feb. 2007