always the same
inked- back ribs ankle wrist
pierced- 1/2" lobes, vch
6/30/2004 | 11 comments
everything is changed-
clarity- and still fear
does this fire really purify
or has it come to destroy?
am i blinded by its intensity- by its light?
what is right?
where is the path?
how can i be sure
if i listen to only my own heart?
i have been so wrong before
6/27/2004 | 0 comments
- grocery stores
- cleaning the fucking house
- men who are assholes
- men who are assholes & don't even know it
- parts of myself
- time & space
- assholes who run this country
and i hate the fact that 40 seconds into this list- i can't even manage to maintain any kind of hostile momentum to help me get it together-
i guess i hate dealing with my inner world & the planet head on without the assistance of drugs- still- now- their benefits do not outweigh the damage-
shit- it's going to be another long fucking day-
and i - for one- am a spoiled brat- i kick & scream when i can't have my way- and that is what i will continue to do- probably until- the end of time-
even that kind of feeling- we can put it in a science lab- if u look at the brain- impulses- flooding - control- neurons and all of that stuff-
but- what's it going to do for me today- not a damn thing- facts just do not speak to me- they never have- and fuck that if i can start now-
iam myself- i will not change- even for my own self- i will not discourage the pieces of me that let me know i am alive- that is all i have - now isn't it-
shit- this is not good-
6/25/2004 | 0 comments
and so it begins- Just as i start the course-
choices- and struggle-
it is a hard road to walk- that is why people don't make it-
6/23/2004 | 0 comments
so my birthday was.... oh a few weeks ago- and with all of the insanity-
i finally read the words on the front of the card that my Mom gave me-
what am i wishing you?
strength for the future,
the feeling of seeing
a prized dream come true,
a bright, carefree spirit,
but also the wisdom
to know in your heart
what is most right for you.
damn- they just want me to be what they know i really am- bright, more carefee- and forever following my heart-
i don't think he will ever allow for any of that- and i'm thinking about my little one & what this will all mean for him- but i know that i am not carefree with all of this bullshit- so i will not care for him the way that i need to- the way that i want to- if i try it just one more fucking time-
i want to do the 'right' thing whatever the hell that means- my own- happiness- i don't think we will ever have it together-but maybe i just always want what i can't have-
i don't think so- i think i just really had settled for
something that- my heart didn't want-
sounds simple in print-
6/22/2004 | 0 comments
hold me close
and comfort me-
i need to hear
you are my only solace
The following people signed this petition:
"( I wish I could take a shower right now.)"
northern lights "(for inner peace....and lots of chocolate!)"
MeShell "(for joy)"
bodybuilderef "(I was indenpendently wealthy)"
prettypinkkitty007 "(my student loans were paid off.)"
ubuntu "(my teeth were fixed)"
Curt "(you great happiness!)"
.caitlin. "(I didn't have to worry about money)"
ShaggyDope "(i wish i was on a freight train.)"
-Matt- "(..I never had to work, and that noone would ever get sick anymore)"
rayneofsorrow "(I Could be at peace in my head)"
VEAL "(Where did I end up? lol)"
sane "(, i wish i wish i'd never eatin' that fish)"
mountainmansamiam "(I would have had a soul mate, but my number was never drawn)"
sweetcheeks "(For piece of mind, that's all I want.)"
death kisses "( )"
visiblydistorted "(that our grandchildrens' grandchildren won't be corporate slaves)"
BadlyDrawnGirl "(that i could shower ALONE, i have 2 kids. )"
paulo4127 "(I wish I could time travel)"
chemically_lobotomized "(perfect health, smaller boobies, HAWT boyfriend with a big wang!)"
shalla_bal "(I wish for one more day with Gary)"
cirrin "(for peace, inner as well as world)"
catalaioch "(I knew what to wish for. . .)"
Guilt of Eve "(I could breathe under water!)"
charlie_ihsan "(For my Dad's cancer to go away. )"
vizante "(... to play piercing right now )"
The Rainbow Panda "(That every guy was at least Bi. lol)"
HEDGEHOG51 "(I could be content with what I have)"
Lethalgirl "(for respect, love, honor, passion, commitment, learning)"
xJAXONx "( )"
Modster "(For a content life)"
nopek "(for guidance and acceptance)"
Plaid "(i was an oscar meyer weiner. that is what i truely wish to be...)"
thepiercedbird "(for a tuna sammich)"
vmaxgirl "(to love like I have never been hurt before)"
GnomeChomsky "(for my work to be miraculously closed tomorrow)"
DejaMoon "(to just let go. )"
fluffykins "(i could leave )"
Sugar "(for permanent remission from lupus!)"
MizzGrell "(To win the Super 7 so I'll get all that money and help people)"
urban.herbalist "(I had ten fingers.)"
Saline the Salt Cake Queen "(you lived closer and under a rainbow)"
Dawnie "( )"
i say death "(i could just give up and sleep forever)"
Jim "(I had more time)"
Mariposa "(Things would have worked out differently...)"
Miseraya Companya "(To be healthy, mentally and physically.)"
Jol "(I didnt have to always worry)"
Rawiri "(love for everyone)"
Hell on Wheels "(for only the best for the people i care about)"
Jae "(travel was faster and easier)"
CausticTwin "(inner peace as well as being financially able to not work. )"
aack "(I was back home)"
Starr "(i wish i could really fly high above it all...just like in my dreams-)"
darthlaurian "(I could be with my love)"
Eclipsed "(this was easier..)"
Chadgrisly "(I hope you enjoyed passing through. Visit our souvenir shop....)"
Amadahy "(winter will be over quickly)"
kleptesvirgo "( )"
())crayon))> "(I had someone to cuddle)"
You.Are.Beautiful. "(happiness, well-being, peace, and harmony for everyone.)"
EziliGede "(to keep it together and raise my sons well)"
Morning_Star "(Dreams that come true.....)"
helena "(Eternal vacation!)"
HeadlessLego "(Upon a starr...)"
Granger "(for peace, happiness and enough money to get more tattoos)"
YoungMom "(For health and happiness for my friends and family)"
Madsteel "(i could look like before pregnancy...)"
Deeeluxxx "( )"
Celticgent "(happiness to everyone.)"
rebekahsXrevenge "(that we could all see the beauty of life without having to suffer)"
Kalinkina "( )"
lost and found "(to be at peace)"
Alledria "(it would continue raining so I have an excuse to stay in)"
blackandblue "( )"
Sean_P "(Early retirement!)"
dazedeagle "(...oh how I wish.)"
Zobot "(I was a baller!)"
EvenFlow "(My vacation started today)"
3mmy "(i had some monnnnney)"
Caroline452 "(The world wasn't so quick to judge me by my appearence)"
Shaman "(To learn to live with remembering.)"
Veasy "(I can go Home some day. )"
Nikkimodifiedbeauty92 "(That more people could see me for the girl I am and that everyone could accept each other without judgment )"