"I have come too far, and I cannot return..."


Last updated on March 14, 2011 February 5, 2016 March 1, 2019



I am:

  • 32 years old 37 years old 40 years old
  • Looking at BME pages since the BME/WORLD started.
  • Member of IAM since August, 2002
  • Former maker of body jewelery.
  • I have lived in the Wizard's Tower... (In fact, it's "mine") A funky apartment in Kensington Market, in a building covered in psychedelic paintings, I've been there for 5 years as of April 1st. 2011 Now live in my dead grandparent's derelict and disintegrating house since end of May, 2011
  • I live with a girl named Gilly-Bean, a busker named Jamie who is about to move out, my long term girlfriend/fiancée (see below) and my two four kitties Aurynn Pants Magnificence (a magnificent tabby) and the Golden-eyed Commander of Wishes ("Goldie") (a gold, white and black calico) AND NOW Rudy (a grey tortie) and Norman (a beautiful sealpoint himalayan)
  • After about a decade of polyamory and womanizing I am in a single recent (1.5 months) long term (5 years as of tomorrow) (8+ years) awesome(sauce) relationship, with DJ Perple Doorknob Broomstick AKA City Center. 
  • Now recovering from a major depressive episode that lasted since late 2009/early 2010. still struggle with depression and anxiety sometimes but doing pretty ok in the grand scheme of things as of 2016. rarely suffer from serious depression or anxiety anymore.
  • I make art-objects, art installations, sacred spaces, and sometimes paint or draw (badly). Sometimes I make electronic music or mixes. I throw raves and volunteer at parties and festivals. Frankly these days I mostly work, drink beer, embroider, paint, play video games, do gardening and the occasional nature walks and sometimes cook a fancy meal for the ol' lady. I am a member of the local NDP so actually have to volunteer to do political crap. This is a lot more occupying during campaign season.
  • I have a propensity for breaking into impromptu dances and/or improvised song (this has still not changed as of 2016 2019)
  •  Can't wait for 2020 so I can compare the state of the world to the old RPG Cyberpunk 2020



    100 percent all-canadian beefcake! Who do you think of when you mastrubate? K-HOLE


I can barely keep my eyes open.
12/11/2003 | 0 comments

because of botched sex. heather just yells, then it doesn't work out. RIGHT HEATHER. every time it makes it so much unenjoyable,k going to keep a log of all consumed things, woot. goals: by Jan 1 204 - be able to run twice as far, twice as fast, be able to swim twice as far, twice as fast. Lift twice as much, twice as many times, cut junk food, tobacco, drug and acohol take to extremely minor levels. learn aikido/karate/other art. do well in school, etc. **BLIST1END** well whatever.

12/10/2003 | 7 comments

Ha ha I was just reading Shannon's new sXe article, and it got me thinking.

I have to say that the first time I heard the term "straightedge" I was a little offended. Not horribly so, just a little. Just to clarify, the first person I met who identified himself as such also liked to "babysit" people on drugs, including people who really didn't need any babysitting.

I know a lot of people like to find reasons to think that they are better than everyone else, or most other people. I know that there are many such people even in this community, in fact it is a pretty typical human flaw. That being said I think people should take pains to turn away from such behaviour, not embrace it and from what I can see many people become part of sXe culture for the very reason - to feel superior - or once having involved in that culture, to use it to make themselves feel superior. TO test this, I went to a couple of sXe sites with discussion boards. It was terrible, and they were full of people who need to fucking get over themselves and stop insulting other people so much (including each other)...

Some people don't identify as sXe because they don't like some of the stereotypes, I have to wonder if anyone doesn't use the term because it is, quite frankly, fucking insulting. Think about the implication of the name itself, if YOU are "straight edge" then what does that make everyone else? Dull? Crooked? Serrated? Thats me. I'm serrated edge. Ha Ha Ha.

It's an insulting term and a self-identification of "i'm better than you", in other words, built in arrogance. Would it be appropriate for me to call my lifestyle, personal culture and state of being "intellectually superior" (iTs? haha) because I have used psychedelics to enhance my way of thinking about the universe? OR perhaps "empathically evolved" since I have also used drugs to make myself feel more connected to other creatures? I don't think it would be, in context of a meeting with a sXe person, it might be (dude are you straightedge? No, I'm intellectually superior - haha, i'm sure that would go over well)

Anyway, a lot of people who identify themselves as sXe seem to also have had a problem with drug or alcohol abuse in the past, and converts are often the most judgemental people of any movement. FOrmer smokers, former obese people former athiests etc. THe thing is, just because you have a problem handling something, doesn't mean everyone else will, the repression of everything one segment of society considers bad or sinful is simply unnacceptable anyway. Aw, damn I'm starting to rant again.

Just to clarify, I don't have any problem with people who abstain from drugs, smoking, caffeine, meat, animal products, modern medicine, "irresponsible sex" (whatever that might mean to you) loud music, or just about anything else, but I am insulted by those who make the sweeping statements that these things are without any valid use, are or can not be art of a good lifestyle or a good persons life, or that they are somehow better than everyone else by not indulging in these things, or abstaining "Better" than someone else. Fuck That Action.

Just a side note (and really not intended to be insulting) i did a search on sXe people on IAM and I find it rather stunningly ironic that zephyr sprite characterises herself as a "psychedelic princess" while self identifying as sXe.

AND i cant believe
12/10/2003 | 0 comments

I spotted tara

I forgot.
12/10/2003 | 0 comments

I bought a very cute book about turtles & tortoises. weee!

my stomach feels sick. I just took a bunch of t3s so i can sleep well. gnite.

I wost my wooth
12/9/2003 | 0 comments

Yeah, I put them somewhere and now I don't know where they went. Heather told me that I was trying to put them back in my mouth at the dentists office and giggling. I don't remember that. I could swear I put them in my little treasure chest when we got home but now I can't find them at all.

Anyway, ben and I went out and I bought a present for my iam. gift exchange person, we bought groceries and I rented 2 games and a movie. i realised when we got home that i got the wrong game, but i can't bring myself to care enough to go back to rogers. plooeh. anyway, now ben won't stop playing JAK II but I'm not sure it's as good as everyone seems to think.

Need to study!

I ended up taking some T3s today after all, before we went out, and before i ate supper. eating is hard, and slow, and i want to make it as easy as possible.

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