Diary

Snatch
3/22/2014 | 1 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

Last week I did some mock interviews in my work experience placement. I was the interviewer and I had to interview a group of teenagers from widening participation backgrounds. It was wonderful. I enjoyed every minute of it. There were a few weird moments because I had to get into character for the interview and a few people couldn't tell when I got out of character. By chance I did a couple of mock college interviews and I was able to give actual relevant advice using my knowledge from previous student support roles. Wow. That felt good and I felt even better when I saw my interviewees walking off with big smiles on their faces.

I've got a proper job interview on Monday for a company that organises cultural exchange programmes. The work is adhoc. The company invited me in to interview for another role yesterday but they only gave me a few hours notice so I couldn't make it. I'm a bit disappointed as the role they wanted me to interview for yesterday included accommodation! That would've been so sweet.

I had a one-to-one with my tutor last week and my feedback was OK. I have to hand in a rough draft of my project next week. I've been having some problems with it but my teacher gave me some theories to look up which will help me along. So, yeah, farewell relaxing weekend.

I met my friend in a cafe yesterday and we were talking about how close it is to our course end date! It was good to blow off some steam. I've been plagued with a recurring nightmare this week and I'm sure it's a manifestation of some other rubbish things I've had to deal with. It's kinda weird because in my dreams I am trying to reconcile with people in my past and I find out I'm dead but my motor skills are still going and my soul is trying to stay connected. I keep going to hospitals to see specialists but they all say I'm dead and there's nothing they can do.

I wake up feeling like I just don't have the time or ability to make peace.

As I was about to leave the cafe yesterday a lady tried to snatch my handbag. I saw the handle looped around her foot and I pulled it off her. She didn't even make eye contact with me. Although I know she didn't have a chance to look inside it I kept checking it for missing things. It's not like I have anything good to steal right now. Ha. She stunk of alcohol and looked like she was going through a tough time. I realised I was trying to check my belongings without her seeing... like I didn't want to embarrass her by showing my distrust of her. Then I knew I was behaving silly because I was doubting what I saw earlier.

I've started double/triple-checking everything today. I know everything is OK and normal but it feels like something's amiss.

Flower
3/18/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: tattoo

I looked at facebook.com/GildedCageTattooStudio yesterday and stumbled across this beauty.

The artist, Paco, has a cancellation next week. Gah. I'd love to book in so badly but I just don't have the money Cry

While I was looking for the above image I noticed Pozan has a cancellation tomorrow too.

I wish tattooists near me didn't get cancellations. It's too tempting.

Saudade
3/17/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I'm trying to get organised. I've let my college work slide a bit too much, well my project anyway.

I posted a link to my art survey in IAM Artist. I'd be grateful if you could answer a few questions.

Despite my incredibly sketchy and messy head I've got distinctions of every assignment this year so far. I had to give a presentation last week and I had a bit of a meltdown during/after. Well, I suppose I could only keep a lid on these emotions for so long. I feel embarrassed and now speaking up in class has become impossible. But, well, it happened. And I'll have to pick myself up again.

I've been spending lots of my free time with some ladies on my course. I even helped one friend with her front garden last weekend. I'm totally excited about seeing the seedlings sprout. She thanked me by taking me to the cinema and we watched Grand Budapest Hotel. I need to watch more Wes Anderson movies now because I enjoyed Grand Budapest Hotel. It had that dreamlike magical realism-ish vibe I like. Or maybe I just wanted to imagine that. It was a hard day.

I love my work experience. I wish it was a real job. It has built my confidence back up and made me realise that my situation is not a reflection on me. The people I've worked with have been let down by whatever you all this system we have now. They've pretty much just been left to rot. And I'm trying to encourage them to keep positive. I'm telling manual labourers with decades worth of experience they need to get email accounts so they can create profiles on completely user-unfriendly job advert sites. I'm telling graduates to apply for retail and cleaning jobs until something better comes along. I'm constantly hammering square pegs into round holes.

But I don't want to give up on them. Even if I can't change society I want people to feel safe and respected. And I don't want them to feel the way I felt; like their failure is their fault. I'm working with amazing and talented people who just don't fit in because they don't/can't/won't use computers or because their ex-employers didn't provide them with any support/retraining as the workplace evolved. People I work with have it rough. I'm sometimes afraid when they leave my office, I wonder how they'll get by and if they have someone who cares for them, someone who'll tell them it's OK when things feel too unbearable.

On a related note, dottyheart posted this on her tumblr and I want everyone to see it.

Juicer
3/8/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: food

I went to Wagamama earlier this week with some friends. I love the carrot juice, it's so foamy. I have been considering getting a juicer but I figured it was too much effort. People always say you can get nice fruit juices in the supermarket anyway, trust me I've tried many supermarket juices and even the pure juices taste like they are made from concentrate (except you can get a few reasonably good orange juices). I also went to the local health food shops, they have a wider variety of fruits but the taste is still the same.

I looked up some recipes and I think I'll start saving for a juicer. These look too good not to try. Photography by ivonkohler:

I don't even have room for a juicer.

I also need to work on my project and a presentation today. Pffft.

Pound
3/4/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

Currently I have one pound to my name. Technically £1.32 but I guess you don't need details. I started my work experience and I'm enjoying it so far. But I just found out my ex-employer started advertising for people to join their work experience placement this week. I cannot apply for it because the placement starts before I finish my current placement. A bunch of people who previously did work experience for my ex-employer are now employed by them in really awesome roles. I feel resentful. Especially as when I asked two weeks ago if any work experience placements were coming up I got an unhelpful answer of I don't think work experience will be suitable for you because you already worked in the college.

Anyway, this is just a checking-in post.

I love Mr Tom. It cheers me up.

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