"♑ ☂ ☆ ☈ ♄"
10/24/2013 | 0 comments | offline
I decided to do a TILT to distract me from the chaos. This week has had some major highs and severe lows. I asked for some help dealing with it, admittedly a little bit later than I should've asked, but I'm getting it now.
♥ Interviewing with the Humanities department next week.
10/17/2013 | 1 comments | offline
By a twist of fate it looks like I'll be applying to do a degree in the department where my husband studied. I may have mentioned this. I can't remember.
I had a university taster day on Wednesday and it went well. I forced my nervousness aside and spoke up in the seminars. I actually developed a headache half way through from all the adrenaline. I still don't cope well when I debate with people who disagree with me. I feel anxious when I see them watching me as I talk, knowing they don't like what they hear. For a day afterwards I was thinking back and kicking myself for not explaining my ideas more clearly.
It felt good at the end of the day. A handful of lecturers and students said they'd like to see me again. It's strange to think that the only reason I had such good feedback was because I talked. Just talked. How different the day would've been if I had let my nervousness silence me.
My tutor gave me feedback on my college work. I wasn't happy with it, I just feel like the department is unstructured and the staff don't seem to have the time to provide additional support. The only one-to-one time I have had with my tutor was ten minutes. My attendance was marked down because I had missed IT lessons, however when I went to my first IT lesson I was told I should attend next term (the teacher forgot she had told me that already) and I have a poor grade for my personal statement. The poor grade is actually due to some technical glitch where a document I hadn't submitted got graded. I hadn't finished it so I hate having that bad mark on my record.
My teachers do not look at any of my assignment plans. We have one chance to get it right. I tried to hand in my reflective journal to my tutor for feedback and she said it wasn't due until December so she does not want to look at it. Another teacher has set me an essay which I have to submit along with the plan - a classmate asked if he'd go through the plan with her. He said no, he doesn't have the time and if he does it for her it'll be unfair on everyone else so he'd have to go through their plans too.
I'm hoping things will settle down. I feel like I'm catching up with the work I've missed and I've had some moments where I've got a buzz from understanding something first time. I try not to think too far in advance. I don't want to think about what the next month will bring. If I think of applying for university next year I start retching. I just have to tackle each lesson at a time.
10/8/2013 | 1 comments | offline
Things are hard. Just don't wanna deal with it. I cried in the supermarket when Days came on the stereo.
9/27/2013 | 0 comments | offline
No convention for me. I'm ill. I finally caught the illness that has been going around the office on my last day!
I even got a leaving presentation from my office. I totally wasn't expecting that. I only had a month contract. It's a bit weird having a leaving presentation when I haven't even met a third of the people in my company. Everyone gave me really encouraging words about my course and future plans.
The first week of my course went well. My assignment for this term is to write a personal statement. I haven't met my tutor yet. A classmate pointed her out at the event I went to on Wednesday but I was in conference rooms all day and I didn't want to disturb the speaker by getting up. I'm really behind everyone else on my course. Most of my class had their interviews earlier this year so they've been working on their personal statements all summer. I've had three weeks.
I feel a bit lonely sometimes. I'm just finding it hard to relate to people. I feel like I have to hold back a little in lessons, just because I want other people to have a chance to talk. But I have so many ideas and questions which I'd like feedback on. I guess being shy in school happens when you're in your thirties too.
On Wednesday I went to a workshop that was led by two lecturers from the school my husband studied at. I've been emailing one of the lecturers about my research plans for the future and I feel like she'd be great to study under. She has emailed me with loads of helpful information and now I know more about the support I would be able to get. She spoke about a taster lecture which happens to clash with some of my classes. I've asked my tutor if I can get the time off to go.
I promise when I'm better I'll do some fun posts. Really. I feel like the last two weeks read like a shopping list.
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June 13 @ 10 AM