1/19/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: beauty

I found this great Paperchase phone charm in a charity shop. At the time the collection came out I bought my first proper phone (the phones I had previously were hand-me-downs) and I had the tiger charm. I enjoyed accessorising my phone back then. It was cute and a little hark back to the ol' days.

My friend also got my a bag of soaps for my birthday, I don't want to open it because the wrapping is so pretty. Last year the same friend bought me loads of Cybercandy sweets.

I'm also trying to look after my hair better. These are my favourite products ATM. The shampoos cost me £1 each and the coconut oil was on offer at £1.50. I've tried numerous salon recommended products and they suck. Dry shampoo is rather hit or miss, but my hair is pretty short and it smells good. The coconut oil feels great, I was surprised when I saw it in the hair care aisle but the directions on the tub said you can use it as conditioner. It's by far the best conditioner I've tried. The soft feeling lasts longer than other deep conditioning treatments.

1/18/2014 | 1 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

A few days ago I got over a throat infection. I'm not sure if it was related to the toothache, maybe an infected tooth discharged into my throat? But in the days before the infection my tooth tasted like vomit. The pain might just have worn me down and made my immune system weak. Half of my class had a day off this week also.

My course has suddenly become very demanding and fast-paced. I am enjoying it. I pushed myself to speak up more. The feedback has made me feel great but the adrenaline headaches suck.

While I was ill I had a few negative job application experiences. The rejections were devastating. I was invited to interview at a temping agency, but when I was called in my head was a bit fuzzy from pain and I thought they were asking me in to register. I turned up underdressed, with my tattoo on display (under my scarf, which the interviewer told me to take off because it looked ridiculous), completely unprepared. When the interviewer told me I was being interviewed I fell apart inside. I felt so exposed. And when she was asking me why I left my previous jobs I couldn't concentrate enough to think of an acceptable lie. I tried to be vague, but when prompted I just told her.

Luckily the infection made the whole experience feel like a dream. Even my vision was blurring at the edges.

My second and third job rejections were much harder to deal with. I was in disbelief at one of them. I felt so close to outrage and I wanted to phone the company up to ask if they had even forwarded my application to the department. I actually found out afterwards that they had an internal candidate who they had offered the job to before the closing date. So effectively the job never existed, and I can console myself the effort and enthusiasm I put into my application was pointless. Thanks.

A job interview invite I received on Friday brought me out of my bad mood finally. That, and feeling well again. I think this will be my fifth or sixth job interview in the local university. I'm already preparing for it. I can, financially, stay afloat for a couple of months now. So I'm starting to get agitated. Especially because with every interview I feel like I'm getting closer to my dream job and the puzzle pieces are about to click into place. 

After the past year I just want to live a seamless existence.

As part of my college project I've been put into a study group with a couple of classmates. We are actually called an action learning set. Action learning is something businesses love. So of course my college tutor has adopted this strategy. My set includes two of my favourite classmates so I feel pretty happy with it. It's great to be in a group with inspirational and supportive women.

I went to town earlier today to see if I could find some literature for my action learning set. I managed to get a Radical Records book in a charity shop which I'm hoping will enable one member to narrow down her subject area. I also found a copy of Some Recent Attacks for myself.

1/9/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: music

Confess is my favourite album right now, with Five Seconds on repeat. So good.



1/7/2014 | 3 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

My mouth has just about regained feeling. I hear anesthetic is supposed to be tasteless but I always get a kinda irony sour sensation in my mouth. My teeth have been feeling much better since my December visits so everyone was hoping I wouldn't need a root canal. Sadly, after an thorough examination it looks like I will.

Because my dentist had started drilling he found exposed nerves and he had to dress them until I can get the money together for a root canal. The dressing will wear away in a couple of months so I made my appointment for six weeks. Now I've just started hoping I'll get a job offer before then.

Geez. I am so afraid of my next visit. I have not felt this amount of dread in a while. I sweat and shook all the way through the examination despite my dentist being the gentlest dentist I've ever met.

My proposal for my independent project is due tomorrow. Naturally I had a flash of inspiration in the early hours of this morning and decided to change topic area. I have to give a presentation on my ideas and then my tutor will decide whether to approve my project or not (you'd think the approval would happen before the research, right?) I'm not really sure why this assignment is set up in such a jumbled way.

1/6/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I was suddenly reminded of BAB as I browsed through IAM: Radical. I had planned to go last year but, you know, stuff happened. I thought about moving to Bristol a lot last year. I even put out some job applications. Occasionally I think about it again. One of the reasons I decided against it (other than the not getting any job offers thing) was that if I moved to Bristol hoping it would be a fresh start, I'd bound to be disappointed. Although I know a new location can prompt change in your life, it doesn't always provide the safehaven you so desire.

I'm going to head to BAB this year. Even if I end up walking through an unbearable memory lane.

I have another dentist appointment tomorrow. I'm nervous.


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