"♑ ☂ ☆ ☈ ♄"
12/30/2013 | 0 comments | offline
I love the art of Eyvind Earle. I stumbled upon this and had to share it (I'd recommend skipping past Walt Disney).
12/28/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Half of my savings disappeared this month. Geez. Mostly to do with dentists visits but I went out a little more than normal too. I promised myself I'd stop spending on things I don't need, but then I saw Aesthetics and Literature in a charity shop.
I'm pretty sure it will be helpful next year. That's my excuse.
The lack of money is making me a bit nervous. I don't think I can even afford a root canal any more. Still I need to focus on getting a job. I was hoping I could find an office job that works around my course but that is seeming less and less likely. I think the only thing I can do in evenings are service jobs, and I'm clumsy so waiting tables is out.
I haven't done much college work during the end of term holiday. I only have two outstanding assignments. Whenever I start to look at them I feel like I'm digging myself a hole. At the moment I'm confident I can juggle everything but I know the pressure will mount over the next few years.
I try to keep myself distracted.
My jaw is so painful. I think I'll make a GP appointment on Monday. I'm sure the GP will have to snap my jaw back into place. I keep trying to do it myself but the pain becomes intolerable.
12/26/2013 | 0 comments | offline
I found this bear in a charity shop today. The shop assistant said I could have it for free because it was so tiny. But I put some money in the charity pot.
I used to have a bear like this when I was a child. He was called Cutie, he wore a red bowtie and I made him a bed in a matchbox. I even remember taking him to school often. I stopped after a boy called Ricky pretended to eat Cutie and then spat him out. Ricky was an ass anyway, one time he made Christmas cards for all the girls in my class except me and some other girl. When I asked him he said we weren't pretty enough. It sounds sad now but, for reasons unknown, I didn't take anything to heart as a child. I have a memory of a gang of boys forming a circle around me and pushing me, I rugby tackled one boy and broke the circle imagining I was trotting off on my magic horse. I think hanging out in my imaginary world boosted my confidence.
I'm glad I found this bear. I've often told my friends about these tiny bears. I grew up in a seaside town and these bears were in every tourist shop - normally glued to seashells. Cutie was extra-sepcial because he was a brown bear (all of the other bears were pastel colours) and he wasn't bought. I don't know where he came from because he didn't have any glue on him. I liked to think he just came to me one day.
12/22/2013 | 0 comments | offline
My jaw has been playing me up for a few days. It has moments when it just seems to click out of place. Usually I can (painfully) click it back into the normal position. This is the longest it has been out of place and it's driving me up the wall. The main annoyance is the weird feeling, the teeth on my top jaw are pressing against the teeth on my bottom jaw in a way they don't normally do. My bite is weak now. Chewing hurts. My mouth doesn't feel like my own.
I'm going back to the dentist in a couple of weeks. In the meantime holding a hot water bottle against my jaw is providing some relief. I hope the dentist will help me out, I told my last dentist about this and he didn't think it was a dental problem. He could be right. However, my GP thinks it is.
I've asked my previous dentists to remove my wisdom tooth, they thought it would be risky and they couldn't see how it could be causing me pain. It sounds peculiar when I tell people about my wisdom tooth but it just feels like the root (ha) of this stiffness. I can't explain it, when I get jaw pains the wisdom tooth feels like a beacon in my mouth. I'm hyperaware of it. I have had another wisdom tooth removed because it was impacted. The dentist doesn't believe this one is impacted but it feels like it's trying to expand.
Just weird really.
A couple of early birthday presents arrived for me this weekend. One was left outside the building where I live. I'm touched.
12/18/2013 | 1 comments | offline
I don't know much about history. I think I enjoyed it at school because I don't remember the feeling of dread before I went into my history lessons. In fact, I don't remember who taught me history after I turned thirteen. Humanities were optional in the later years of my school and I dropped them because the syllabus was a bunch of Englaaaaaaand fuck yeah! kinda stuff (well that's what my friend who took history told me).
History is part of the degree I plan to do next year. People are shocked when I tell them about my course. I guess they assume I don't care about history because I cannot provide dates and locations of landmark battles when asked. I don't know where this idea of history = knowing about the world wars came from.
Today my tutor briefed me on my individual research project for next term. I immediately had ideas about what I want to focus on, but after the lesson I went to the library and started to research. I found, or rather didn't find, much research in my areas of interest. I know that's no reason to abandon my project plans, however I don't want to spend my first ever research project jumping into the great unknown alone. I'm primarily concerned with aesthetics and I don't think any of my tutors specialize in this particular area, so I think I'll take a side-step into literature.
I saw one of my old friends today and when we chatted about this he suggested I look at Constance Markevicz. He then decided to pop quiz me in front of my classmates and it was all kinds of embarrassing because he mocked me for not knowing this information already. I then went on to explain what I'd like to do and he then suggested I look at A Vindication of the Rights of Woman.
The following people signed this petition:
June 13 @ 10 AM