5/23/2013 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I took me seven hours to work up the courage to write about this.

Have you ever had a moment where everything is bringing you down, but you are trying to hold it together as much as you can? Then someone asks how are you? The lump in your throat breaks forth and you are in tears? And you wail like a banshee.

OK. I did that in a job interview. The shame. The embarrassment.

Then my day got worse.

But, no worries, I'm gonna pick myself back up. Tomorrow will be better. Kiss

5/22/2013 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

In my ideal world I'd be having a nice bubblebath right now. But I know as soon as I get into the water the doorbell will ring. I waited in for a workman yesterday but he didn't turn up. He said he tried to come over the day before but nobody answered. That seems a bit weird. I think he's going to the wrong door or something because the doorbell didn't ring.

I've got so much to think about at the moment. I had a counseling session yesterday. I need to think about what I want but I am preoccupied with not disappointing other people. Sometimes I wish someone would take control of my brain so I wouldn't have to deal with these things. I feel strong and confident, but I easily doubt myself if others challenge me. Expressing myself has become even harder than normal.

I miss the old days. I know I cannot get them back, I have moved on, but maybe I'm going too fast like people say.

I wanted to read my books but the ones I want are packed away and the others haven't been alphabetised yet. I have so many memories attached to them. I know they should be appreciated for the story but I only really started reading when I began feeling lonely. So instead of losing myself in a Nabokov dream I have flashbacks to a draughty flat with mould on the walls.

I'm pretty pleased with the amount of messages and comments I'm getting. My friend said my hits are probably so high from the amount of refreshing I do waiting for replies. It's exciting and you've made me feel really welcome.

5/21/2013 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: music reflection

I'm gradually getting more familiar with IAM. I used it quite a few years ago and I've found a handful of people I used to know on it.

I recently found a Lionel gallery so I favourited almost every image there. I love his work so much. I really want to get tattooed by him in France.

I believe this is the fourth week since I left my job. I have a job interview this week and a job interview next week. I am very excited about the one I've been shortlisted for next week! It's in UoB. I've wanted to work there for years, but I've only started getting positive responses from the during the past couple of months.

The last interview I went to was awful. To be honest, I started bad and then my anxiety snowballed. I couldn't recover. I knew I did badly and I just wanted to get out of there. The feedback they gave me confirmed this. They said I didn't talk enough.

I'm pretty disappointed that I gave such a bad interview. But this job I'm applying for next week is in the same office at a lower level. If I get it I will be able to stay in my same union branch (which I'm so excited for - they are a brilliant branch).

I've put my Weymouth HND application on hold. With so many life changes this year I don't think I'll be ready to start this year. I don't have a portfolio ready and by the time I've settled into my new life I doubt I'll have time to prepare.

That's most of my May summed up. I'm listening to Be Brave

5/20/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: music

5/17/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: food


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