Diary

Saudade
3/17/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I'm trying to get organised. I've let my college work slide a bit too much, well my project anyway.

I posted a link to my art survey in IAM Artist. I'd be grateful if you could answer a few questions.

Despite my incredibly sketchy and messy head I've got distinctions of every assignment this year so far. I had to give a presentation last week and I had a bit of a meltdown during/after. Well, I suppose I could only keep a lid on these emotions for so long. I feel embarrassed and now speaking up in class has become impossible. But, well, it happened. And I'll have to pick myself up again.

I've been spending lots of my free time with some ladies on my course. I even helped one friend with her front garden last weekend. I'm totally excited about seeing the seedlings sprout. She thanked me by taking me to the cinema and we watched Grand Budapest Hotel. I need to watch more Wes Anderson movies now because I enjoyed Grand Budapest Hotel. It had that dreamlike magical realism-ish vibe I like. Or maybe I just wanted to imagine that. It was a hard day.

I love my work experience. I wish it was a real job. It has built my confidence back up and made me realise that my situation is not a reflection on me. The people I've worked with have been let down by whatever you all this system we have now. They've pretty much just been left to rot. And I'm trying to encourage them to keep positive. I'm telling manual labourers with decades worth of experience they need to get email accounts so they can create profiles on completely user-unfriendly job advert sites. I'm telling graduates to apply for retail and cleaning jobs until something better comes along. I'm constantly hammering square pegs into round holes.

But I don't want to give up on them. Even if I can't change society I want people to feel safe and respected. And I don't want them to feel the way I felt; like their failure is their fault. I'm working with amazing and talented people who just don't fit in because they don't/can't/won't use computers or because their ex-employers didn't provide them with any support/retraining as the workplace evolved. People I work with have it rough. I'm sometimes afraid when they leave my office, I wonder how they'll get by and if they have someone who cares for them, someone who'll tell them it's OK when things feel too unbearable.

On a related note, dottyheart posted this on her tumblr and I want everyone to see it.

Juicer
3/8/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: food

I went to Wagamama earlier this week with some friends. I love the carrot juice, it's so foamy. I have been considering getting a juicer but I figured it was too much effort. People always say you can get nice fruit juices in the supermarket anyway, trust me I've tried many supermarket juices and even the pure juices taste like they are made from concentrate (except you can get a few reasonably good orange juices). I also went to the local health food shops, they have a wider variety of fruits but the taste is still the same.

I looked up some recipes and I think I'll start saving for a juicer. These look too good not to try. Photography by ivonkohler:

I don't even have room for a juicer.

I also need to work on my project and a presentation today. Pffft.

Pound
3/4/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

Currently I have one pound to my name. Technically £1.32 but I guess you don't need details. I started my work experience and I'm enjoying it so far. But I just found out my ex-employer started advertising for people to join their work experience placement this week. I cannot apply for it because the placement starts before I finish my current placement. A bunch of people who previously did work experience for my ex-employer are now employed by them in really awesome roles. I feel resentful. Especially as when I asked two weeks ago if any work experience placements were coming up I got an unhelpful answer of I don't think work experience will be suitable for you because you already worked in the college.

Anyway, this is just a checking-in post.

I love Mr Tom. It cheers me up.

Experience
2/28/2014 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I landed myself the work experience role. Luckily I managed to negotiate the schedule around my course. Phew, just phew.

I'll be volunteering in a Job Centre. I cannot help but laugh at the idea I cannot get a job but I'll be helping people look for work. Unfortunately it will not help with my money problems but I'm hoping that I may build up some camaraderie with my colleagues and they may be more gentler with me when it's time for me to sign on.

My last assignment was a ranting mess. I feel embarrassed. My teacher said my ideas were refreshing but I didn't answer the question. I know that. I had a load of technical questions that I didn't ask. Pffft.

I got married at the end of February six years ago.

Tonight is all about silly songs.

Serendipity
2/23/2014 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I'm good at finding things by chance. I've got the knack when it comes to loopholes. I probably should be a SEO or something like that.

I got another university offer. I had my interview and I loved it. By the time I walked home my interviewer had sent me an email confirming I have a conditional offer. For some reason that offer is not appearing under my university profile. Of course, this is probably due to my applying indirectly. So yay for using my initiative and boo for difficulties arising from not using proper channels.  Geez.

I went to my favourite social club today. A few people I knew just happened to be there and wanted to play Scrabble. I like Scrabble but I have only played it about ten times because I don't have any close friends or family who'll play with me. I never win. But today I managed not to come last after suddenly beginning to understand strategy is better than vocabulary. I'm sure there's some symbolism in that, but I'm too tired to think.

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