7/11/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: TILT

Another TILT as I wait to find out if my job applications have been shortlisted.

lenorefff asks what does the inside of your head look like? You'll not be surprised with my answer.

lenorefff also reminded me of Crush - do you remember that? Who was your crush?

♥ Speaking of crushes, annaliese is looking for crushee beta testers - see crushee.com/beta

♥ I've never tried a reuben sandwich, although I hear people talking about them often. Good job annaliese has a recipe imnotvegan.blogspot.com/2010/01/vegan-reuben-sandwiches.html

♥ Big shout out to letsgetbacksunday. BOMO LOVE. I wish the MFC were active on here again.

♥ I found some tragic topless photos of me here and here. I'm amused by the hair/make-up but saddened that I didn't appreciate my body back them. Now that I'm older and two stone heavier I regret not loving myself more.

♥ BTW I searched my old username bme.com/search/media/all/?q=nii


♥ How full is your calendar for the 10s? BME Events coming up.

If you were any animal... which would you be? I answered hedgehog. I'd like to know what you'd be.

What is your passion? I'm thinking about my answer...

What are you thinking at this very moment?

7/10/2013 | 4 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

A few things shook me up this week. Firstly, my husband is moving out of our old flat. Although, it was an awful building, I feel a real sense of loss. I lived in the flat for two and a half years, my husband will live there for three years. I won't lie, I have very few happy memories there. It was small, it leaked, there was mould, the structural problems were numerous. We knew living in Brighton would be physically hard. Money doesn't go as far in Brighton as it did back in the Westcountry.

I have a love-hate relationship with Brighton. It's a fun city. I have a bunch of awesome friends and the cafes are brilliant. What I also like is that I get tattoo compliments on a weekly basis (daily, during the summer). This is a sharp contrast to the town where I grew up where I'd experience street harassment just because of my piercings.

People just tend to be more tolerant in Brighton. Of course, we have our share of bigots and other horrible human beings. On the whole, it's a great town. The people I have made friends with and the jobs I've had have made me confident. I am comfortable with my looks and my beliefs.

The downside is that Brighton will always be associated in my mind with separation. Some days I groan as I walk towards the beach, I'm surrounded by vibrancy but I feel so disconnected from it all.

I'm living in limbo right now. My new life hasn't started yet, but I know that when it does my old life will have to go. I'm not sure I'm ready for it.

The local bus company is doing a day trip to Sluis tomorrow. I went to Sluis with my husband thirteen months ago. It was a happy time. My husband was tremendously busy with his university work, but he promised to spend the day with me. I remember feeling heavy-hearted because spending the day with him reminded me how little time we had spent together over the previous couple of years. I felt that we had grown apart. But, I felt that if I could just stay strong for one more year then maybe my fears would diminish.

Oh. Sluis was lovely. I've always been attracted to the idea of living in Continental Europe. I was thirty last year and my New Year Decade Resolution was to travel more. When I arrived in Sluis I just felt inspired to do more things I want to do. I felt admiration for my husband who, against the odds, went to university and became the top student in his faculty. I wanted to be like him.

I'm not sure when our paths began to fork.

I feel so unable to deal with this week.

Even if I do get good news regarding job interviews, union training and course applications, it tears me away from all these memories.

2 comments | offline
Tags: food

I'm a fan of Nadia G.

7/9/2013 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: music

7/8/2013 | 1 comments | offline
Tags: tattoo

Another page I've recently discovered facebook.com/pages/TopsiTurby-Paper-House/118763641482803.

I'll find out this week if I've been shortlisted for another interview. I'm nervous. It has been over a month since I was last invited to interview. A month. Part of me is really scared. Yes, I'll be more independent but I also feel like I've come to a crossroads in my life where whatever direction I take will close all other roads to me. Meh. I'm sorry to be all cryptic but I never want to publish the whole story on the internet.

I'll be able to get a new blackberry in three weeks. I'm excited. My last android phone sucked.


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