Diary

Film
6/5/2013 | 2 comments | offline
Tags: photography reflection

Film

I bought some film in a gift shop that was shutting down. It's so cute. It was also cheap.

I am planning to get a new camera, maybe that actionsampler I spoke of previously when I get a new job.

So, I didn't hear back from the university this morning. I figured I didn't get the job and they were going to send me the news in the post (afterall, it's easy to give good news by phone but bad news is not so much fun). But I just checked my email half an hour ago and saw I had received a new message. It pretty much read what I expected Thanks, but we're giving it to someone with previous experience.

I decided to visit my family back in the Westcountry this weekend. I'm hoping to recharge my batteries but I know it'll just be a bunch of questions about my life choices. People can be really insensitive when they are trying to help. If it's quiet enough I might see if I can get a massage in Lush for a bit of a break. Or stop in So'ton IKEA for a snack and wander.

I have another interview in the same office next Tuesday. Seriously, it's my third trip to this office in six weeks. It's great that I'm being shortlisted. It was fun emailing the office with See you next Tuesday. Ha.

Tink
6/4/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: food

I'll find out if I have a new job within the next twenty-four hours. I'm so excited. I tried to post some pictures here from my silly album the other day but it didn't work out. I have the knack now.

Here's the new t-shirt I bought from SIWA, a charity shop in Brighton.

SIWA

Here's my new septum retainer, wonky!

Wonky

Plus I need to shave my head, my hair is growing so fast.

Pads

 

I also made this. It looks like dog food. It's crumbled cookies covered with jelly (or jello) then put to set. Basically, trifle base.

jellycookie

Tonight is a colouring date. Oh Tink.

Tink

Prompt
6/3/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

What's your name? Black Smoke
What do you like to do for fun? Skinny Love
What are you afraid of? Walkabout
What kinda people are you attracted to? If You See The Light
Whats your style? Limbs
What do you think about? Vessel
What's your goal in life? Elephant Gun
What do you dream about? Bloodbuzz Ohio
What kinda food do you like? Knotty Pine
Where do you live? Modern Drift
What do you do when you wake up in the morning? Nothing Ever Happened
What do you do on vacation? Noone does it
What is your job? Rainwater Cassette Exchange
If Obama called you on the phone what would you talk about? I Just Want To See Your Face
If you were the president of the United States? Genesis 3:23
What's your motto? Sunlight

So, hey, how are things?

I have spent, pretty much, the past six weeks sitting on my friend's couch. Day-to-day stuff is hard. I feel like a bum. I am a bum.

This weekend I thought hard about my future. I'm not sure what prompted it. Maybe because I went to Pavilion Gardens and watched a steel drum band. It was the first time in ages that I was in the moment. I think the realisation that I let myself go and had fun made me feel guilty. People tell me that I shouldn't punish myself for hurting someone else. But, I do. I don't feel like I'm entitled to be happy.

I thought about the previous decade with my husband. We experienced so many changes. Changes always triggered my depression. My response was always I'll just deal with it. I don't think I ever dealt with it. I went to CBT but I felt my therapist was just getting me to write schedules and organise my day. The root of the problems were never addressed. Whenever they came up, they were considered irrelevant.

When I made the decision to strike out on my own it was a tremendous change. But, I felt like I was the one in control. Nothing went to plan but it was my decision and that felt empowering. People ask me what I'm going to do with my life. I don't know. I had ideas, they didn't work out but now I'm going to make more ideas. I just know I want to be the one in control.

Before this year, I was never in control of the changes. I never realised how much this upset me at the time. I just thought I was being silly because I got upset that we didn't move into a quirky flat I liked. Or I was being unrealistic about wanting to live abroad. Or I was living in a fantasy because I wanted to return to college.

In truth, I got carried away with my dreams. I know they aren't practical and probably doomed to fail. You know, I'm not expecting a miracle? I want an adventure that I want.

Now I feel so close to getting what I want. For five years I've wanted to work in HE. I just could never get a break.

I didn't want my life to be the mess it now is. I just wanted to be me.

Princess
6/2/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection


What's Your Sexual M.O.? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which Empire Records Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

I'm having a bit of a nineties revival ATM. Ever since my private and personal life started going off-course I've been reliving my teenage years.

I got an awesome septum retainer from punktured yesterday. For seven years I have been wearing a BCR stretched with a pair of pliers. I wanted to get a retainer which had a rounded rectangle shape. I finally found one!

I hope you're having a great weekend IAM! I'm about to watch WWE on TV. It's like soap opera, but more like soap operrrrrrrrrrrrar.

Brakelights
5/31/2013 | 1 comments | offline
Tags: music




An hour to get ready for my job interview. I'm really not coping with the nerves right now. Bleurgh.

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