8/2/2013 | 4 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I had a pretty good job interview today. The people were really impressed with my CV. I'm glad I took the time to rewrite it. It felt really good to hear someone say they thought I was talented. In fact, it nearly made me cry after feeling so worthless for a year.

Walking home after the interview made me feel incredibly lonely. I appreciated the praise from the interviewers but I wanted to share my joy with somebody. I wish I could harness all that positivity and use it to propel me into my dream career. I'm not complaining. Well, I am a little. It's baffling how I repel things I want and attract things I'm indifferent to.

I'll be invited back for a second interview next week.

I'll see how it goes. I think I have a good chance but I'd been mentally preparing myself to leave Brighton before this week. Hell I don't know anything. All my plans fall through. I'll just see how it goes.

7/31/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: music

I've been listening to EBM this week, particularly the artists I used to like back in the day (playlist, if you're interested). I stumbled upon a bunch of videos from Gothic Meets Klassik Festival. The songs still seem so powerful to me.

I tried to stop myself listening to EBM, mainly because they just remind me of a time that hurts to think about, but I couldn't tear myself away. I can shut my eyes and every memory comes flooding back. I want to hold on.

7/30/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

According to bme.com/iam/amicool/rank, IAM has over 18k users. I'll be excited to see 20k.

I feel pretty productive today. I've had a healthy healthier week. I actually bought food that isn't junk food when I went shopping. I also got some mulled spiced tea in the local discount shop. It's so lovely.

I've been reading a couple of tasters from penguin.co.uk/tasters on my phone. The selection is pretty poor but I'm enjoying reading with ease on my device.

(image links to PDF)

I decided to apply for a job in a museum today. I'm sure hundreds of people will apply for this post. But I read the job specification and I'm optimistic I meet the criteria. I just need to think of something inspirational to write in the why do you want this job? field. Something the interviewers have not read thousands of times before.

7/29/2013 | 1 comments | offline
Tags: reflection

I changed the layout of my CV yesterday. I just made it two columns and added a lavender header. I sent it to a temping agency this morning and I was invited to an interview three hours later. I'll find out about the gallery job next week also.

I tried doing yoga this afternoon. I've thought my body has felt weaker in my months of seclusion, but I didn't realise how much until today. My balance is the worst. I used to be more flexible. I just ended up doing a load of stretches to try and strengthen myself up again.

Funnily enough, the same thing has happened with my vocabulary. My pronunciation has become embarrassing. The think the problem is having too much to say and my mouth not being able to keep up. I'm getting syllables mixed up. I'm finding it almost impossible to remember words.

Thinking back to being a better person I've come up with some shortterm goals to start me back on the path to healthiness. Another thing is accepting that I can't fix everything now.

One of my scariest recurring nightmares is that I wake up in the future and I don't know how I got there. I can't find people I know and I'm not sure where I live or how to begin looking for the missing parts of my life. This nightmare has been my reality for months.

I want to say so many things but I know it's going to take a while until the time is right.


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