"♑ ☂ ☆ ☈ ♄"
7/28/2013 | 0 comments | offline
I was home alone yesterday, it was one of those days when I should've been around people. My mind drifted into unhappy places but I think I have a pretty decent plan for making the rest of my thirties as enjoyable as possible.
I realise I need to readjust my frame of mind. I feel like I know what's best for me but trusting my feelings is difficult. I read marandaelizabeth.com yesterday, I could relate to a lot of things they said. But what really struck me was an interview with Dave Cave where Maranda made a comment about being a better person. This is something we want for ourselves but Maranda asked What does a better person look like to you?
I'm not sure what a better person looks like but I'm sure I'm not a better person. What small things can I do to be better? Because in all truthfulness it'll be a decade before I could have the life I want for myself. What can I do so I don't lose motivation like I have in previous years? Often, I get frustrated with all the difficulties I face so I give up and go somewhere else. What can I do to ensure that doesn't happen?
Also, what can I do in my day-to-day life to keep on track? I'm a workaholic (when I do have a job) but in my evenings home alone I feel empty. How do I get through these times?
I went for a walk today. It was tiring but the exercise felt good. I've become too reclusive.
I stopped in a charity shop and found a Momiji doll for 99p and I saw my favourite gallery is looking for a parttime assistant who doesn't need any experience! Two of my old friends from Dorset also got in contact this weekend. Pesto was half price in my local shop too, so I'm looking forward to a yummy dinner. Froyo time this evening.
My panties match my background image:
7/27/2013 | 0 comments | offline
My thoughts are with you today. Happy Birthday. You still mean so much to me.
7/26/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Yep. I'm connected again.
I also got the chance to try out my app. What a failure. My app's not even an app. It's just links to multiple pages in a fancy border that looks like an app. Still, I'm finding it pretty helpful, it doesn't add anything to the IAM experience but I like having all my favourites to hand. Maybe I don't have download enabled or maybe I need to amend my app. I don't know. I give up.
I was supposed to start a job today. I got a phonecall yesterday evening asking me to start at an advertising company this morning. When I turned up it was just filling in forms, an interview and a tour. The company was exactly like another advertising company I spent a week working for a few years ago. I'm pretty distrustful of anyone who wants to enter that industry. Admittedly, the money was good and they bought my lunch every day but it was way too complicated and shady for my liking. It was also a total sausage fest, extroverted sausages at that.
On the brightside, the fear pushed me to apply for a bunch of FE jobs today. I wrote my personal statement like my life depended on it! I gave it 120%. I also found London Ink series 2 in a pawn shop today, which I'll watch later as I try to wind down.
I got my head shaved again. I hate going to the barbers but normal clippers don't seem to be as strong or neat as professionals. I always seen to end up with a barber who spends ages clipping my hairline or using a comb to get stray hairs all the same length. It's always awkward when a grade 2 all over takes twenty minutes. You can see people waiting with a WTF? expression on their face.
I'm planning to go to a couple of conventions next year. I added them to events. I have no confirmed plans ATM but having something to look forward to makes the difficult times feel less permanent.
7/25/2013 | 0 comments | offline
(Following on from Appy.)
Here are my responses to the feedback.
Tester had problems logging in, this was probably due to my updating the app however I understood the login function was not clear. I put in another icon, so one is clearly login and the other is home. Once logged in, you need to click the home icon because I don't have the skill to redirect you. Sorry!
Again, I'm unable to put in a view your own profile or update your own journal function. This is due to unique URLs and technical ineptitude.
I should be able to get a new phone today, so I can test the final three functions. I get the feeling they may have some teething problems (a root canal, more like).
Thanks again to my testers, you really helped me in the absence of an internet-enabled phone.
7/24/2013 | 0 comments | offline
Welcome to my blog. I'd like to be considered for the scholarship, as you can see my blog is chaotic. I've been blogging on and off since my teens, despite this I feel as though I've never truly found my voice. I hope you'll be able to help me.
I'll start with a little bit about me.
I'm a girl who wears funny slippers and likes to jump on my bed. I feel like I never really grew up, I just left my small town home and wandered from place to place. I moved to Brighton with my husband, that's where our adventure took an unexpected turn.
My husband went to university and I went through dozens of temping jobs. We lived off my wages and our savings. My husband was always top of his class, I was so proud. I missed doing fun things with him because he was studying so hard. My loneliness made me learn more about myself.
I made some new friends, but my mind drifted back to my home life. My husband was in his university bubble, he'd wake me in the early hours of the morning when he came to bed and he'd tell me about a theory he read. Before long, I was thinking about politics every hour of every day. I suddenly knew what I was passionate about... but I still couldn't find my voice.
Knowing what I was passionate about made my thirties exciting. I applied for a job in a college, it was superfun. After realising I was being paid less than the men on my team I negotiated a payrise for myself. I joined the workplace union. When I told my union steward about my pay rise he suggested I become the Equality Rep. I got to travel to conventions/meetings and take part in debates. I was even given the opportunity to do training to improve on my skills. With the extra money from my payrise I went on day trips to the Netherlands and Belgium.
I suddenly realised my husband was not taking part in any of my enjoyable life experiences. I used to be nervous doing things on my own, but now I wasn't afraid. However, I had to make a heartbreaking decision. My husband was offered a new job and I could see that we both wanted different things out of life. I couldn't bring myself to talk about the split, but I felt comforted by my friends.
Nothing went to plan after my split, but I felt certain I wanted to be the master of my destiny. I didn't want anybody telling me how to live my life. I just wish something would work out. I applied for loads of jobs, I had three positive interviews... then silence. I feel a little scared sometimes.
I try to stay positive. I know I want to move back to the Westcountry and I know I want to save to go back into education.
I know I like dumplings too.
I feel like I will be able to find my voice one day. I enjoy blogging, and I believe I will find my voice through blogging. My words feel more powerful here.
I tried to write you a letter, but then my friend suggested I make a photo story book about myself.
I'd love to go to the Blogcademy in London, I know you will inspire me to speak louder and that will springboard me into other great things. I am passionate; I just don't know how to begin.
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