"There is no coming to consciousness without pain"

Well, I just got here. That's not really true anymore, but all this still feels new and exploration-worthy to me.
I'm not really good with this whole 'talk about myself' affair, so if you'd want to know what, why and how I got into all of this, please read the story of my personal ascension.

I definitely seem to have developed a passion for body suspension. And because this community seems to be THE place to be to live that passion, I decided to join your little world here. I want to learn as much as I can about it.

No Forum - but I like getting messages. And don't be afraid of the tracking thingie; it doesn't bite.

Events I`d want to attend this year:

My favourite pastime when I`m around here:



10/7/2010 | 2 comments

long overdue - I know...
Anyway, since I had an appointment to get me some implants (but not what you think!)  in Berlin anyway on the 17th of September, I decided to attend the BMXnet event held there the same weekend. The organizers tried to model this after the US APP conference, and this year it was held in Berlin for the first time - in a large conference hotel right next to the airport. Long story short, it was an awesome weekend. Got to meet old friends and made new ones,  learned quite a few things about how to properly go about suspending people from hooks and had a lot of fun despite being in quite a lot of pain from my dental procedures as well as still having to cope with that infection in my left leg that just doesn't want to go away.
Suspension classes were really well done (thanks Allen, Havve and anyone else who put them together and attended!) and I got a lot out of them.


But what would a convention like this one be without some kick-ass shows? Well, I didn't get disappointed there at all. Saw some amazing shows by Hilary, Lucky, CoCo Katsura, some really cool "musical" performance by a group I sadly forgot their name (similar to skinphony), all being presented by the great Headmaster from Norway, who even interviewed Lassi's penis, in addition to showing us a few of his tricks. Although I have seen Havve's show a few times now, it never ceases to evoke interest - it just never gets old. He's that good. 


But the highlight of Sat. evening was without doubt Lassi who surprised everyone with his genital suspension (prominently featured on Modblog already) . Watching this unfold was hilarious and awesome in a "no he's not pulling THAT off" sense at the same time.
I managed to capture the whole thing on video - it's a bit shaky but the quality is actually pretty decent - enjoy: hmmmm... apparently this doesn't work as desired (the file is 30 MB and it takes, um, forever to load and I can't stream them. I'll upload it to BME then. Meanwhile, here's the files for download:
Flash video, 30 MB in size: http://www.r00b0t.com/misterbastian/BME/lassi_BMXnet2010.swf, and
avi/H.264, 300 MB in size. : http://www.r00b0t.com/misterbastian/BME/Lassi_BMXnet2010.avi

(Wo)Man's best friend...
9/7/2010 | 10 comments

So, what they say about dogs is definitely true, and I now get the special place that dogs have in the hearts of people.
I never thought of myself as much of a dog person -  much preferred cats as pets. That changed rather abruptly when I had the opportunity to meet Aurora's dog Sabrina back in April when we went on vacation together and she took her along. We really took to each other very nicely real quick, and so I jumped on the opportunity to take care of Alexa, a Siberian Husky lady belonging to a colleague of mine who went on holiday for two weeks today.
He had her spayed just  the day before I got her, and she's wearing that plastic thing around her head to prevent her from accessing the wound with her tongue. I could bring her to the office with me, and that's where these pictures were taken.

Will write more about that tomorrow, but now it's time to turn in.

So who's been complaining about my driving style?
8/17/2010 | 0 comments

Don't feel like leaving the bleak last blurb on top, so here's a more fun one. And I promised Jesse that I'd put up the video

new set of tires: 670.-
new front brakes: 740.-
new clutch: um, don't know yet...
a day of fun spent circling around a racetrack  (in my bone-stock, two-ton car): priceless!

BTW, that happened in June - while I still could use both legs...

why are things always so complicated?
8/16/2010 | 0 comments

Reading others' entries and blogs, I used to never understand what drives people to put their deeply personal issues on these (semi-) public things and let the world take part in their misery. Well, I think I found an answer to that - writing it down apparently seems to help.
See, there's this one person who I have opened up to, have put lots of energy into building and maintaining what I perceive as true friendship and really put my heart behind the whole thing. Said person knows more about my personal thoughts and inner workings than anyone else, and I was under the impression there used to be some mutual understanding, at least to some degree. Well, apparently not, as I'm getting told that I'm "too close" and "so I want to do things that will keep you at a distance" now.
This hurts so f*cking much, and caught me by surprise. And I have no idea how to react and what to do. Should I let it go and just forget about everything that was, put all that was down the drain in a Better an end with terror than terror without end way? Should I try and argue and do whatever it takes that there's enough of that already? Or try to carry on like nothing happened and act like this didn't disturb me?
I just want to not think about it at all. I guess I'll help myself to some substance that'll help me escape into a state of mind where I forget about that for awhile. Again. Why does this always seem to happen to me? Do I attract these things?

Kept listening to this song all day, and I think there's nothing to add to what it says. So true:

I don't want another lover
So don't keep holding out your hands
There's no room beside me
I'm not looking for romance
Say I'll be here, I'll be here
But there's no way you'd understand

All I want
All I want
All I want
When I don't even know myself

I don't want another partner
So don't try and break the spell
I can't even understand me
So don't think that you can help
When I say things and see things
That's no way on earth to tell

What I want
What I want
What I want
'Cause I don't even know myself

No one wants to be lonely
But what am I to do
I'm just trying to be honest
I don't want to hurt you too
When I'll be there, I'll be there
I know I sound confused

But all I want
All I want
All I want
All I want
All I want
See all I want
All I want
Is to one day come to know myself

8/8/2010 | 5 comments

(click through all pics to enlarge!)
I don't know what started it initially, but Ania and me were discussing trips to Budapest we both wanted to / had to take this summer. For me, it was a business trip, whereas for her it was another of these "travel and acquire modifications along the way" journeys which she enjoys doing every summer (man, how I wish I had *nine weeks off* every summer during which to travel, too!). So we made travel plans and she arranged her appointment with Gabor so I could be there at the same time.
And then my knee decided to act up and render me handicapped for awhile (see below... I'm still on crutches and while the swelling has gone down, it's still hurting, impossible to bend and I can't walk for anything more than a few steps). Well, I did not let this deter me from going, so I changed my seat assignment for the flight and reserved a rental car with an automatic, which seems to be an impossibility in Hungary - I had to settle for a tiny Smart car!
Then came Thursday, July22, the morning of which will be remembered for its unpleasantness. I had to take the very first train to Zürich airport as my flight was leaving at 6am, so I took the car to go to the train station (no public transport at 4:30 am!), only to discover that all parking options were either filled to capacity or closed. Great. So I had to drive there (45 minutes)  and put my car in the airport parking lot  - exactly what I wanted to avoid, as by that time I hadn't really mastered the art of one-footed stick shift driving yet. Also, the fees are outrageous: it's cheaper to fly to Budapest than to park there for five days... The experience at the airport was horrible: the gate was miles from the check-in and it took me an extremely tiring half-hour hopping on my crutches to get there. Then there was no PBB but lots of walkways, a bus ride and a gangway with - *oh horror* - lots of steep stairs leading up into the plane. Let me tell you, by the time I was finally seated I was so exhausted and in pain, I only wanted to go home and lie down in my bed. The joys of travel - but I digress...
Anyway, I landed in Budapest on time and a little refreshed, was greeted by someone who held up a sign with my name and took care of my luggage - and half an hour later I was happily motoring into the city in my  air-conditioned-and-automated-transmission-equipped Smart, ready for some fun. Well, after some GPS-induced getting lost (hey, how the hell am I supposed to know that there's twenty-three streets called "Danube road" in Budapest, and without adding the correct city district I have no chance of finding the correct one!) I finally met up with her, and we went to the city to check into my hotel and then go explore the city. We both got chuckles out of the carpet in my room, which, in addition to being blood-red, featured a motive made with needles, scissors and twine on it - definitely an omen!
After having a shower and getting  g some rest, we went out for some food along the riverfront, explored the city for a bit and went to see Gabor in his shop to discuss the details of tomorrow's procedures, where I learned that I was needed to assist with it....o_O...
Seeing it was almost exactly two years since we met last (at Oslo suscon 2008), there was a good deal of catching up, too. Call me old-fashioned, but in my opinion (I know, some of you see this differently) no amount of virtual communications can fully substitute up-close-and-personal face-to-face meetings.

Now, Ania is a runner, and she wanted to use the running track which is circling beautifully located Margarets Island (or, in Hungarian, 'Margit Sziget'), so that's where we went for the evening. She ran the 5.3 km track while I hobbled to the nearest bench, savored the sunset and watched everyone running past, resting my leg. I unfortunately didn't bring my camera, so I had to use my phone camera for the finish-line photo. Sorry for the quality, but someone insisted on getting it:

After this we both felt kind of thirsty, and decided to seek out a kiosk selling food and drinks, of which there were supposed to be several around, as said someone was very sure of. So, we set out and slowly walked, um, hobbled down the running track in search of such a location. Well, it turned out that there were none on the side of the island we were on, and in the end I hobbled almost 4 km on my crutches that night. In the dark. Across uneven surfaces. Let me tell you, I had open blisters on my hands from the crutches afterward, my leg was KILLING me, and my whole body ached from the strain on body parts I don't usually use to move forward with. It's been a memorable experience, though - we found a stall selling food and drinks after all (I never had better oxygenated water with way too much sugar and artificial cherry flavor in it and probably never will) , rested at a temple that suddenly turned into a concert hall, playing Richard Strauss at eardrum-popping volume and found where to stay the next time.
Anyway, I was extremely happy to be back at the car, dropped Ania off at her boat and called it a night soon after.


So, the next morning was supposed to be the big day. I picked Ania up at her boat hotel, and we went to the shop, where things got under way rather quickly. The drawings were already all ready and correctly sized -  but getting them aligned, adjusted and placed until perfection and complete satisfaction was achieved took quite a few tries and time:

(the skeptical look is priceless :) , and bye-bye virgin skin!

but finally everything was set, the scalpels came out and the fun (?) began:


The 'outlines'  (the cutting part) were done pretty quick and seemed to be rather easy. Ania was relaxed and obviously in no great amount of pain (check the second picture!). She was chatting with us like she'd be getting a massage instead of being cut up. BTW, there were no anesthetics used at all for the whole procedure. That's right - no EMLA cream etc.  
Then came the second part - the design called for some good deal of skin removal. Gabor started out with tweezers and scalpel - mind you, no anesthetic! - and I was about to witness the most intense thing  ever. Anias' relaxed attitude soon changed into a visibly pained and distressed one. She tried to breathe the pain away, much like as is taught as technique with body suspensions, and used her arms and hands as outlet to let the pain out. Just that, with suspensions, the pain is overwhelming only for a short period during lifting and then (well, usually, when you don't do anything super-intense like hanging from two hooks in the front of your body) recedes to the point of not being noticed anymore. But this was different - it took several hours, and it was very visible when and how her body and mind were both exhausted and had enough pain for the day.
At this point, squeezing her hand seemed to be welcome, also... Towards the end, as the endorphins wore off and the pain increased in more sensitive areas on her upper ribcage, there were a few water and relaxation breaks, as it was just too much for her to carry on, as much as she'd have preferred to do without them. In any case, progress was painful and slow, as Gabor moved on deliberately and with great precision. He really is a very talented modification professional and everything was done following good protocol. I'd totally could recommend him :)

Watching this work of art being carved into a living body was an amazing experience for me, and I felt honored to have been asked to share it.


Well ,after almost five hours of getting cut, things were finally done. Everybody deserved a break, and I had to scoot off to the corporate office far awhile (hey, this was a business trip for me!).
One last photo, and then the beauty of the new adornment vanished beneath a layer of vaseline and saran wrap:
But that is NOT the end of the story - there's round three to come: Ania got her tongue split by Gabor last year and experienced some regrowth, so she wanted a re-cut and the split deepened. Well, and that was where I was needed - it was my job to hold her tongue apart while Gabor first cut and then stitched it.
Let me tell you, the feeling of holding a 'living', moving tongue that was being cut through at the same time felt really strange. Compared to the scarification, that one went quick and painless (this time, anesthetics WERE used) though.

End result: One Exhausted but happy Ania. We  then wrapped up, cleaned up and said goodbye - all in all, we spent six- and-a-half hours in there, the majority of which Ania was getting cut. That is damn impressive, and I really admire her stamina and attitude with which she approached the whole thing and went through it all.

First stop was "Doctor Gelato" - an ice cream parlor I had discovered nearby. We sat down for a well-deserved bowl of the most delicious ice cream. By now, Ania radiated much the same 'afterglow' endorphin-high that I associate to the aftermath of body suspensions. Good times were had! Then we went shopping for some supplies at a drugstore. Gabor had given  Ania a list with what to buy in Hungarian, so that went easy.

And then it was time to get some rest. We retreated to my hotel, where we ate a bit, looked through the pictures and the tons of video I took of the procedure - and then it was time for that infamous first shower and wrap change. After that was done with (no details here - what happened in my bathroom, stays in my bathroom, n'est ce pas?) it was another nightly trip to the 'botel' and we all got some well-deserved rest.

The rest of the weekend was filled with rather unspectacular (in comparison) touristy things. We went out to the countryside and made a day trip to Tokaj, did quite a bit of sightseeing and generally enjoyed the time there. The weather, which had been scorching hot (over 40° Celsius on Thursday and Friday) cooled off quite a bit on Saturday, and it rained on Sunday, with temperatures dropping down to the 20° range. We took a mini-cruise on Sunday, enjoying a 90-minute narrated city tour on a large boat which was fun.
And we went shopping at an outlet center (hey, searching for gas stations sometimes turns out to be very surprising) where in a total reversal of stereotype gender roles had to convince a girl to get a piece of clothing (which I even paid for...). HA! Rule No.1: You can never have enough running tops. Rule No2: When they are on sale and to be had dirt-cheap, you grab the opportunity, as Rule #1 applies :)


First two pics: on the river trip. Third and fourth are Budapest by night, seen from the Buda castle. 5th was a "do like the locals do" pose in front of a winery in Tokaj (that's an inside joke . We saw an amazing number of storks along the way, too. And last pic is the special "after-tongue-split" diet - ice cream and vegetarian cheeseburgers :)

Well, and then it was time for me to say "goodbye", as I had to leave Sunday evening. Due to the flight leaving almost four hours late, we landed in Zürich only after midnight - and that meant no more trains. So I was *really*  lucky  to have taken the car, after all! And the good news is that MALEV will reimburse me for those outrageous parking fees!

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