I am what I intend to be.

I control my destiny

I want to be covered in tattoos and piercings

I am a  wolf in sheep's clothing when it comes to dealing with the rest of the world.

I'm kinda random...if you haven't noticed.

I want my future husband to love tattoos and piercings as much as I do, and not because they belong to any mainstream bullshit that exploits it.

I am an outreach assistant for a home energy efficiency company (Next Step Living)

I love my job very much. Not only am I respected as an individual, but there is free beer every 3rd Friday of the month after training, and the guys are pretty fucking sexy too.

Moderately/heavily modified men instantly make me wet.

I am a USCOBM member.

I hate corporate america, even though my training in IT is currently preparing me for that work environment...for the love of BIOS!

ummmm errrrrr

I like spending minutes even up to an hour of my time just sitting down and thinking, and dreaming and fantasizing.

I have one tattoo (double Pisces symbol on the chest), 8g lobes (I want to go up to 1 inch), second lobes (fuck you piercing gun they wont close!) right industrial, septum, labret, and 1 month old never-thought-I-would-get-em-done nipples (YAY!)

I love the feeling of a tattoo gun scraping my skin

I want to find more people who are passionate about modification and who aren't idiots about it and actually understand it like I do, but in my area (Mass)

I think that's it for now.

 

Diary

Ow...
12/9/2012 | 4 comments

So my right ear is ready to swallow my tunnel.

It's my fault honestly. After all this time I did not know how to properly transfer jewelry with a non-concave taper. Turns out you have to push the taper a little bit further into your ear to create some kind of pocket so there is no resistance for the tunnel/plug.

Wanna know many painful attempts at jewelry transfer it took me to realize this: over 20.

and now my right ear is swollen, I'm doing regular sea salt soaks throughout out the day then maybe a slight massage of marula oil at night. 

I'm very sorry ears. I was tired, and frustrated, that should have never happened...sigh. Hopefully you can forgive me and we can move past this.

Doing laundry, then deep cleansing treatment on my dreads and retwist. It takes me a while to do it, and I'm early, so let em not procrastinate this and fuck this up and end up having to stay up till 3am when i? have school the next day.

Suspension plan is going good so far. Looking at a $250 bill though. I have 3 months to save :P

After Christmas...

BALLS!!!
12/8/2012 | 0 comments

You want to know how long it took for me to get both of my ears to a 6g? 3 hours...3 hours...

It's my fault, I got to a point where I got frustrated and added a little more force, or I was going to fall asleep with a taper in my ear (which I definitely don't want)

I didn't tear anything..and least not traumatically.

Yea I broke some rules for my own selfish gain, only time will tell if this bites me in the ass.

I'm definitely taping after this.

This is when getting my lobes shot with a gun when I was 12 and didn't know anything comes to bite me in the ass...

I rank highest in my class. My IT instructor called me today after 4pm to tell me this. He also told me that this would mean great success getting matched in an internship. Just have to work on having the best communication skills and being the nicest person you can be, and avoid conflict, so I can do awesome on my evaluation. Sometimes you gotta fake it to make it.
Very happy. Going to do my best to allow nothing but positivity in my life. 

My lobes are kinda sore. lol

I'm horny, which is a product of my happiness.

lol

Can't wait till the COMPUTER OLYMPICS. Gotta study all that I have learned all over again xD

Soooo...This SUCKS!
12/7/2012 | 0 comments

Ummmm stretching from an 8g to a 6g chaps my ass. Yesterday was my second failed stretch (due to time constraints). Today is Friday so I would like to just get through this tonight, and then not stretch again until my birthday in march, along with my suspension which I'm currently working on (Yay).

I'm definitely taping after 6 gauge though so I might not need to wait until my birthday to move up higher. This is a much bigger jump that I expected. It's weird because stretching to other sizes (which I have done properly every month without skipping sizes) has been completely painless, but this stretch makes me feel like I'm skipping sizes and I'm just like:

WTF is wrong with this gauge system? Shouldn't it be CONSISTENT throughout?

But I really want 6 tonight, so after I'm done with this entry I'm going to get a shower.

I'm talking with Cere from Rites of Passage. This might seriously happen. I think I'm gonna watch some suspension videos as well.

Presentation went completely well. Project week is over. 7 weeks until the COMPUTER OLYMPICS (Seems like an event to see who can build the fastest computer. I can't wait!) and then INTERNSHIPS!!!

I'm eating icecream.

You're only a victim if you're dead
12/6/2012 | 0 comments

It's amazing how we as women allow ourselves to give men full power over us (our bodies emotions etc.), and then scream racism. Just a random thought. 

Was seriously considering not posting here anymore because I read other people's IAM pages and I  just feel like I need prozac, which just escalates my own shit, which I'm not gonna talk about because I'm pretty sure the people who don't go to my page to look at my diary wanna see nothing but whine whine whine nag nag nag about stupid shit. But i'm gonna do a little bit of it anyways because I can't help but say what's on my mind, and I don't care what anyone thinks.

 

How come every time I check my IAM, it says I have no visitors to my page, when people have clearly messaged me and comment on my diary? Weird.

I feel like I am becoming something that I don't like. Sometimes I analyze myself and I'm beginning to not like what I see. I feel so much stress and tension and hatred built up inside me. I am constantly stressed I am irritable sometimes. I'm no longer as optimistic as I used to be. Reality is slowly swallowing me up. I'm woman enough to admit that it is not strength, I possess, just anger. My upbringing has finding its way into my energy zone despite all these years of fighting. Maybe I'm just tired.

I have finally let this world and its "realities" get to me.

I want to suspend so badly on my birthday. I feel like there is so much built up negative energy weighing me down that not even regular small gauge holes can fix it. I have a need for a good wringing (or swinging) to release all of this sadness and negative emotion from my body, as I feel myself slowly being destroyed. And if this continues, I might end up like my mother, and if that happens, I'm getting my tubes tied, so I don't bestow my unhappiness upon my future children. I know I wouldn't want my children secretly wishing they had the courage to kill themselves... I want this done on my birthday, so I can finally start over at the best time of my life. I have actually had some leads thanks to a video on Pangea Piercing's web series "The Modified World" (best thing ever to enter my really fucked youtube feed). I actually inquired about getting a suspension in MA and someone (Anna Banana(?)) told me about Rites of Passage (anyone ever heard of them?) and I just emailed the leader about it. So I hear to hear something soon.

On another positive note. I managed to visit a sex store in Boston yesterday and now I have a couple of boyfriends :).

My conch is doing lovely and so is my tragus. Due to money issues (I went a little heavy on the winter shopping last week and I need to do Christmas shopping next week), instead of getting my double nostril done, I'm going to put that on hold for a while and just finish off my ears. so hopefully next week the soreness and tenderness would have died down enough for me to be able to sleep on my right side, that way I can get my left conch redone and my left flat done (to create imperfect symetry my right industrial), both at an 8 guage. Then my ears would be complete, for now...

That is all for now. Time to lurk for a little bit and then study for a presentation tomorrow.

Goodnight.

90% Done with my ears
11/30/2012 | 0 comments

So I decided to go with the tragus(14g)/conch(8g). It went so smoothly and effortlessly. I love my tattoo shop. I'm so happy to have such an amazing place so close to home. The jewelry used is designed to add bulk to the piercing, so it looks like the piercing looks bigger than ti actually it. I think they are called "fake plugs". I love them.

Kinda burning. Had a small headache. my 8g conch piercing at the Boston Tattoo Company was less painful than my 12g conch piercing at Almoda Rox. Safe to say I'm never getting a piercing there ever again. 

I think I finally finished my winter shopping, and I still have some money left over; I'm totally winning right. I also look forward to a big check in the next 2 weeks as well, so I will definitely be getting my double nostrils done as well.

Life is good

Going to get a shower and then stretch my ears to a 6g; it has been a little over 2 months since my last stretch, then basically everything would be up to date! Yay! Then I will go to sleep, the events I work start late tomorrow, and I am happy about that (and it is also why I am still up at 11:30pm). Feels good to be getting more than 7 hours of sleep lol.

A pic  of my piercings is below. Goodnight!

 P.S I didn't get the IPAD. It seems that having no credit is the same as having bad credit apparently. WHATEVER... Guess I have some saving to do lol. It's not like a needed right away anyways.

My new tragus/conch piercings.

 

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